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The Latest Jokes - Page 117
Two boys are arguing over a pancake. Their mother says "Now boys, if Jesus were here he would say give the pancake to my brother." The older boy said to the younger one "you be jesus.
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.
She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."
The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."
What do you call a cow who just had a baby? Decaffinated
My father told me he loved me while beating me in morse code.
I had a few drinks and then walked into a bar. After walking into the bar I fell down.
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. A leading Senator and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had and affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.".....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the republican senator arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE!
what do you call a cow and it's baby? Decaffinated
A redneck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that
will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the
line model. The redneck is suitably impressed, and buys it.
The next day he brings it back and says, "This chain saw is defective.
It would only cut down 1 tree and it took all damn day!"
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and
the puzzled redneck says, "Heck, what's that noise?"
Four men go golfing, and while one goes to pay the other three stand about and talk. The first begins to brag: "My son is a bondsman and is doing so well he gave his friend stocks!" The second scoffs: "My son is a car salesman and he's doing so well he gave a friend a brand new car, fully loaded!" The third, not to be outdone: "My son is in real estate and he is doing so wel he gave his friend a house!"
Well the guy who went to pay comes back and the others ask "We were just talking about how successful our sons are, what about yours?"
The man replies "Well, my son is gay. He works in a gay bar.. I'm not all that pleased with this, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him stocks, a brand new car, fully loaded, and a house."
What does a ghost wear under his sheet? Nothing.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: what do you call a deer with no eyes? no eye deer. Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 83.6673% The joke's popularity is: 4.999
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