|
|
The Latest Jokes - Page 281
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
>
>Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
>
>Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla
>was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
>
>Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee
>Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal
>cages.
>
>Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample
>ability to satisfy a female of any species.
>
>The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was
>approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the
>gorilla for $500.00?
>
>Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
>matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would
>accept their offer, but only under four conditions.
>
>1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
>The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
>
>2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
>The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
>
>3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern
>Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
>
>4. And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to come up with the
>$500.00."
>
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from you!
knock knock
whos there?
isabell
isabell who?
isabell nesecary on a bike?
What song did the elves sing to Santa on his birthday? --Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why are there so many pirates? Because there arrrgghhh!
An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
What's the difference between a musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much the bird cost. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She told the owner that she still wanted the bird. The pet shop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad," A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but then began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman's husband, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new whores... ...same old faces. Hi Ray." Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
How does this site work? |
 |