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The Latest Jokes - Page 36
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. One breaks it and then they all get a big insurance check.
Did you hear about the emo grass? It cuts itself.
What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner.
dude! sweet! dude! sweet! -dude where's my car?
what's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a lexus? i don't have a lexus in my garage!
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side
How many Emo Kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? They can cry in the dark.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Your mother is so fat she flosses with the garden hose.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon." One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model. Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 47.9452% The joke's popularity is: 3.905
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