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The Latest Jokes - Page 356
A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can
you help me. I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "The light was on."
A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car
smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and
asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"
"How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer!"
Wife to Norm: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time
of the night?"
Norm to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to Norm: "What? At 2 a.m?!"
Norm to wife: "Yes. We used night clubs."
My aunt is sick all the time. Just the other day, she opened the window and influenza.
My grandfather was a magician. Every night on his way home from work, he turned into a driveway.
What did one freight elevator say to the other freight elevator?
I think I'm coming down with something.
if april showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring? pilgrims
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question
was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you
hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
When I got back from my vacation last week I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one guy in front of me...an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated! He asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two huna dolla fo yen. Today I get huna eighty?? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged her shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: Bill and Jim are lumberjacks. One day, Jim cut his leg off by accident, so Bill put the leg in a plastic bag and took Jim to the hospital. "Will he be alright?" Bill said. "Yes, just come back in four hours." four hours later, Bill came back. "Where's Jim!?" Bill said. "He said something about going to play soccer." So Bill went to the soccer field, and sure enough, Jim was playing. The next month Jim cut his arm off, so Bill put the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to the hospital. "Will he be alright?" Bill asked. "Come back in six hours, arms are more complex then legs." Bill came back six hours later. "Where's Jim!?" Bill said. "He said something about shooting targets." So Bill went to the shooting range, and Jim was there, firing a rifle. The next month, Jim had a horrific accident and cut his entire head off. So Bill put the head in a plastic bag and took Jim to the hospital. "Will he be okay?" Bill asked the doctor. "Well, heads are more complex then arms and legs combined, so come back in 24 hours." Bill did, and the doctor came up to him. "Bill, I'm afraid Jim is dead." Bill burst into tears "Did the surgery fail!?" Bill said trough his tears. The doctor said "The surgery went fine! He suffocated when you put him in that plastic bag!" Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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