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The Latest Jokes - Page 409
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Blonde teen to hot dog vendor: How long are your foot-long hot dogs?
Dad to buddy's tween daughter: Susie*, can you get me another beer from the cooler?
Susie: Wow, Jerry, you're an alcoholic.
Dad's own tween daughter: My dad is not an alcoholic, he just drinks fast!
pretentious pickles and portly pineapples
global bunion grunion
knock knock who's there? Banana
a horse walked into a bar and the bartender said why the long face
i am a silly boy who eats candy and has tea parties with stuffed animals
why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side
knock knock, who's there? a meatloaf
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: Bill and Jim are lumberjacks. One day, Jim cut his leg off by accident, so Bill put the leg in a plastic bag and took Jim to the hospital. "Will he be alright?" Bill said. "Yes, just come back in four hours." four hours later, Bill came back. "Where's Jim!?" Bill said. "He said something about going to play soccer." So Bill went to the soccer field, and sure enough, Jim was playing. The next month Jim cut his arm off, so Bill put the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to the hospital. "Will he be alright?" Bill asked. "Come back in six hours, arms are more complex then legs." Bill came back six hours later. "Where's Jim!?" Bill said. "He said something about shooting targets." So Bill went to the shooting range, and Jim was there, firing a rifle. The next month, Jim had a horrific accident and cut his entire head off. So Bill put the head in a plastic bag and took Jim to the hospital. "Will he be okay?" Bill asked the doctor. "Well, heads are more complex then arms and legs combined, so come back in 24 hours." Bill did, and the doctor came up to him. "Bill, I'm afraid Jim is dead." Bill burst into tears "Did the surgery fail!?" Bill said trough his tears. The doctor said "The surgery went fine! He suffocated when you put him in that plastic bag!" Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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